Another Senator, Another Republican, Another Moron

I can't make this shit up. Supposedly the terrorists are all driving cabs by day, killing at night. Kind of like werewolves, or vampires, or the WMDs. Um, that never happened. Unless McVeigh drove a cab. But Tuba can read the code. Burns is in deep shit and is probably gonna lose. So, for his last gasp, he will call on two tried and true tricks. The first is the terrorists under the bed. Gay terrorists. Gay, flag burning terrorists. In Montana.

The second trick is the George Allen macaca special - funny looking brown people. While his campaign manager can bullshit about investment bankers, we all know what he meant - all those A-rabs driving cabs are the enemy. A vote for me is a vote against all the filthy, towel headed, macacas out there.

Once again, we have a referendum on the people of Montana. Are you fireman hating, racist pigfuckers or not?

More accountability, with fists

My last post may not have been clear enough. If you love America, the next person you see from Alaska, you will punch in the face.

Stevens’ secret hold (BTW, is there any institution more stupid than congress. Secret holds – WTF? Sounds like a bunch of old men playing frat boy. Do they have a goat room?) on the database of pork spending is designed to allow him to send more of our tax dollars to bullshit projects in Alaska – projects that are too embarrassing to be shown the light of day. I can respect a thief who works in broad daylight, but Stevens is a coward hiding in the dark.

On a side note, I would be remiss to point out that the minute any of us heard about this secret hold, did anyone at any time ever think this could be anyone but a Republican? Why did we all immediately know that when it comes to protecting federal pork that it would not be the “Tax and Spend Liberals” but the “Shrink Government Conservatives” who would do the protecting. The idea that the Republicans stand for anything more than Federal dollars given to taliban donors is a lie. Oh, yeah, except for the laws against whacking off.

I digress. Back to the punching. See, here is the thing. The federal pie is not limitless. The American people, quite rationally, have a tolerance for how much they will pay in taxes. Check out a great book, The Price of Government. This limits the size of the pie. When some Senator hides a few hundred million in some defense bill to buy his donors pork chops, we have less money for other things. Things that voters actually want. If the voters wanted some bridge to nowhere, they wouldn’t have to hide it. So instead of:
- Money for the Army Corps of Engineers in New Orleans
- Money for body armor for our soldiers
- Money for translators for the CIA
- Money for Pell Grants
- Money for Head Start and No Child Left Behind
We get pork and bullshit.

The next result of under funding the above we get poverty, misery and death. The people of Alaska are partially responsible and are getting off lightly with a punch in the face.

Northern Expose This

After Setting Sun Lieberman’s TV commercial rambling about bears, I realized that I could never be a senator. That was made even more true today. Crap on a stick. Ted Stevens is a serious shithead. I simply would not have the self control to be in the same room with him. Is he ever not a douche? Between the bridge to nowhere, the Tubes (Don’t fall in love, she’s a beauty), NO! and now this secret hold horseshit. Someone needs a smack upside the head.

While I hate the pork king, that person is not Ted Stevens. Yes, he is a douchebag, but the word of the day – hell, the rest of the decade is accountability. So, we need to lay the blame for Ted Stevens where it squarely belongs, all the shitheads who live in Alaska. If there is some huge oil spill that gets all your seals covered in oil, fuck you. If some huge earthquake destroys Juneau, that is just too damn bad. Global warming floods your ass, boo fucking hoo. Don’t expect 1 red cent from the feds. Oh yeah, those oil leases, can we send the Marines to Alaska and just take the damn oil? I mean, that was the Iraq plan. Should work better in Alaska.

A Simple Question

Are the people of Virgina illiterate, racist, redneck trash?

We will find out soon enough.

My guess, probably.

The Onion Makes Everything So Clear

Sometimes there is nothing to add. Tremendous.

The PA PA

Last night I watched one of the Steven King, Nightmares and Dreamscapes. In it, William H. Macy is a writer who created a 30s style hard boiled detective, Umney (also played by Macy – very well, BTW). The writer’s life is a mess, so he switches lives with the detective – writes himself into the detective story and the detective into his life. As it is Steven King, things don’t go as planned.

That led me to think of how life would work if it was a novel and since Montana is in the air, I thought about the PA PA. It was a wild situation, this woman who takes a bus, by herself, 2,000 miles to maintain the public area’s of Shoshone -- driven by the same lust for adventure and lying book that drove me and Mr. Bulshit to Big Sky. You don’t take a 2,000 mile bus trip unless you are looking for something. What she found was us. The PA PA was good for the roaming Mr. Bullshit. Were we what the PA PA was looking for?

In a novel, we would know the answer. The PA PA would recur like some character in a crappy Dickens book. Our lives would periodically intersect and we would have our roles. We would know at least. Sadly, I don’t and doubt I ever will see the PA PA again. It would be great to sit down and have a drink and a laugh. Not because we were best of friends or anything like that, but just to see how the book ends.

Sweet home New Jersey

Now, I love the motherland. Every time I go back home, I remember how much I miss the pizza, the subs, the better radio stations. WPIG excluded of course. The driving is a little better, the pace a tad quicker. A touch of attitude. Then I saw this. It left me speechless. My New Jersey, redneck-ville, USA.

Sometimes you just know

Wal-Mart, putting Kites, Dog Eaters and Towel Heads out of business since 1989.

So, Andrew Young, who took the job as spin doctor for Wall Mart and is the chairman of Working Families for Wal-Mart is apologizing for saying

“You see those are the people who have been overcharging us, and they sold out
and moved to Florida. I think they’ve ripped off our communities enough. First
it was Jews, then it was Koreans and now it’s Arabs”.

Well, you knew this guy had no soul when he took the job as Wall mart image spinner. Now it is out in the open. This is what I don’t get:

"It’s against everything I ever thought in my life,"

Stop doing that. Just stop. Take pride in your bigotry. Embrace it. How do you say something like that? I know I just said it, but that is not what I think. Yeah. Why don’t you and George Allen go see the new Mel Gibson movie together? At least Andrew Young was decent enough to resign. Mr. Allen???

"It never should have been said. I was speaking in the context of Atlanta, and
that does not work in New York or Los Angeles."

Now, I don’t think this is how he meant it, but you can read the above as, “It is OK to be a racist SOB in Atlanta, but the damn PC, latte drinking, Jew-y blue states won’t stand for it. Why do they hate America so?”

Yes Virginia, I am a Racist Douche.

George Allen, douchebag, is running for office in Virginia. This class act decides that he would score some points with the audience by picking on a 20 yr. old videotaping his event. But not only is he a bully, but a racist one too. What saddens me is that I am sure this worked. He showed the good people of Virginia that he is a real (read white) Virginian. In a fair and just world, he would be done - exposed as a racist and a douche. In America, 2006, he just rallied the base. We deserve the shitty government we have. Well, at least Virginia does. The sad part is that George Allen may end up influencing something important that could affect me. That sucks. My life is now under the influence of the racist, illiterate, hillbilly, uncle-fuckers that live in Virginia. That sucks bigtime.

This is why Allen needs to lose. He needs to lose to restore my faith in America. His losing would tell me that we have not abandoned our ideals. If he wins, my soul dies a little bit more.

Baby, If You Ever Wondered

Wondered, whatever became of me . . .

Today, while walking to work, I see on the back of a bus, an ad for a radio station, KPIG. This reminded me of one of two WKRP episodes I remember. There was the turkeys and then this one (#21).

So, Dr. Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap are on the air, doing a thing on drunk driving. There is a cop there, getting them drunk and then testing their reaction times. After 10-12 drinks, Venus is falling all over the place, but Johnny is not drunk at all. Johnny then goes to the can, where he sees the WPIG mascot (man in pig suit), repainting their wall. He comes back to the studio, admits that he is drunk, and then does even better on the reaction times test.

File this under things you could never do today.

In other news, we welcome CMM to the family. She will be known as the Oboe of Justice. This makes 4 of us in our merry band: Tuba on Fire, Smoldering French Horn, Bassoon of Hope and the Oboe of Justice.

OK, somehow the above reminded me of the worst experience I have ever had in a car. This includes 2 auto accidents, numerous tickets and driving accross Nevada with no AC. I am in the casual carpool in the back seat. NPR is on. They are talking about some fund raising dinner for Tom Delay. Then, they are all singing "If I had a Hammer." For whatever reason, NPR does not cut away or fade out for like 5 minutes. I had to listen to a room full of republicans - including one woman at the mike, sing folks songs. The horror, the horror.